The other night mom looked at me, with tears in her eyes and told me that she needed help. She is so tired and weak that just walking to the kitchen to make something to eat wore her out. By the time she sat down to eat she was too tired to do so. I was so glad that she was letting me know what she needed, and of course I am happy to do anything she needs.
Later that night, I lay in bed for what seemed like hours thinking “what should we be doing?” There are so many questions. And I wonder if we are doing anything right.
By that point, we had rescheduled this week’s Oncologist appointment to Friday, which seemed forever away. The PET Scan was finally scheduled for Wednesday, but it all still seemed to be moving too slow. So I lay there, with all the voices in my head discussing what is next? When do people decided to go to MD Anderson? When do people get a second opinion? When do people decide things aren’t moving fast enough?
Now, I am notorious for taking things in my own hands. I am a task person. A list person. Let’s look at the issue at hand. Figure out our plan of attack and make it happen. Waiting on insurance approvals and their protocol of what must happen first is painful to me.
That being said, I am also old enough now to be able to realize that the biggest mistakes of my whole life all lead back to not waiting on God’s plan and making things happen on my own. Forcing things to move according to my plans when we need to wait for God’s plan is certainly not something I want to do where my mom is concerned.
The next morning the Oncologists office called again. The results from the HIDA Scan were back and she needs her gallbladder out. This was not news to us, but we were happy with the confirmation. The radioactive isotopes that she was injected with on Friday, which should have moved through her gallbladder and liver, never made it through her gallbladder. It just was not functioning.
The Oncologist had scheduled her to see a surgeon on Wednesday morning prior to the PET Scan. Christy came and took her to both appointments. Mom was very weak. Mornings are so tough on her. We aren’t certain exactly why that is, but she was weak enough for a ride in the wheelchair.
The report from the surgeon was scary. He plans to go in on Monday and remove the gallbladder. He will also remove the infected colon and rework the good colon. Then he will remove the liver cancer and insert a port for treatment… that’s not the scary part.
However, if it is so bad with tumors and cancer he will not remove anything.
That is the scary part. That is the newest part that I can’t wrap my head around. SO.MANY.THINGS.
“So they just leave that mess in there! They don’t want to do any more damage?!? For the love of God, please promise me that they will take the dang gallbladder out! There is a possibility that they would cut her open, look around and closer her back up!?! Are you freaking kidding me?”
Mom was weak, and her blood pressure was very low, but she was able to continue on and go to the PET Scan. YAY God!! That part is completed! We will find out the report on it on Friday.
They then went by the Oncologists for labs. The worry was that she was low on blood again. The first week she was 7.2 and should have been between 12 and 16. They gave her a transfusion that week. Last week she was at 8.4 and they were ok with that and said below 8 she would need another transfusion.
They called this morning and said that she was 9.4. Another YAY God!! She appears to not be losing blood any longer and it is going up. She has been instructed not to take any more BP meds until she sees the Oncologist tomorrow. Hopefully that was causing the issues with the weakness.
So, what is next?
Friday – Pre Op appointment and Oncologist appointment
Monday, 8/1 – Surgery at 11 am at Lewisville Medical Center. She will be in the hospital for a few days.
Wednesday, 8/10 – Post Op appointment
We are walking a very fine line between uncompromising faith and debilitating fear. We know our God is bigger than any disease. We have complete faith that HE can completely heal mom’s body. We even believe that HE is able to make it all go away. We understand that there is no limit to God’s ability and that HIS love for us is bigger than we can wrap our silly little heads around.
But if we get too far ahead of right now, if we move past today, we find fear. We find “what if…” I guess that is why the bible says “do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.” (Matt. 6:34)
So today we covet your prayers. We are all feeling a bit weary. We miss our active, vibrant, beautifully independent mom and Honey. We can see her when mom smiles, and sometimes we can hear her in mom’s voice. But right now she is mostly tired and weak. We just want and need our mom back.